What Is Coparenting? When It Doesn’t Work for Moms

What is coparenting concept with parents walking with child outdoors.

When I first heard the word co-parenting, it sounded so neat and hopeful. Two parents who could not make the relationship work, still managing to raise their kids side by side. A modern solution for messy families.


For some families, co-parenting works well. Parents manage to put differences aside and create stability for their children. I’ve seen moms on Instagram or even friends in real life who make it work beautifully, and I admire them for it.


But here’s the truth: not every story gets a clean, friendly ending. Mine didn’t.


The betrayal from my ex crushed me, and what came after was even more complicated. In the beginning, he supported the kids, but over time, that changed. He started putting conditions on his support, saying he wouldn’t help unless the kids talked to him. I can’t blame my children for not wanting to speak to someone who hurt them, and I will not force them to.


For a while, I thought I had failed. I wondered why co-parenting seemed to work for other families, but not mine. Meanwhile, I was trying to figure out how to raise my kids on my own.


But here’s what I want to tell you, mom to mom: co-parenting does not always work. And that does not mean you or your kids are doomed.

What Is Co-Parenting?

Co-parenting is when separated or divorced parents work together to raise their children. It usually means:
  • Shared schedules (who has the kids and when)
  • Consistent rules across both homes
  • Communication about school, health, and milestones

In a perfect world, both parents set aside their issues to give their kids a sense of stability. And for some families, this setup works well.


But in the real world, not every breakup leaves room for cooperation. Cheating, abandonment, control, or even just unwillingness to compromise can make co-parenting impossible. And that is okay to admit.

Why Co-Parenting Doesn’t Always Work

We do not talk about this enough– sometimes co-parenting fails, and it is not the mom’s fault.


Here are some real reasons it falls apart:

  • Toxic or manipulative partners. You cannot co-parent with someone who uses money or time as a weapon.
  • Broken trust. Infidelity or abandonment makes it harder for moms and kids to reconnect.
  • No accountability. Some fathers simply withdraw and stop showing up.
  • Cultural stigma. In the Philippines, where divorce is not legal, moms may face pressure to “make it work,” even when it is hurting them.

If this is your reality, it does not mean you are failing. It means you are protecting your kids and giving them the safest version of family you can.

Raising Kids Solo: From Fear to Strength

When I finally accepted that co-parenting was not happening, I had to face the big, scary question: Can I really raise my kids alone?


The first months were heavy. I worried about money, discipline, and whether my kids would grow up resenting me. I second-guessed myself with almost every decision.


Nights were especially hard. Once the kids were asleep, my mind filled with questions: Would they grow up angry at me? Would they feel incomplete without their dad?


But slowly, I realized something: my kids did not need a perfect “two-parent setup.” They needed me, present, consistent, loving, even when I was exhausted.


And every little win, calming a tantrum, finishing a school project, or ending the day with laughter, reminded me: I can do this.

Lessons I’ve Learned as a Single Mom

If co-parenting is not an option for you, here is what I have learned along the way:

1. Stability matters more than perfection.

Kids do not need fancy schedules, they just need to know who is showing up every day. For us, that looks like family meals and playtime together, which create a sense of security.

2. It is okay to ask for help.

Whether it is your mom watching the kids for an hour, a neighbor driving them to school, or joining an online support group, you do not have to carry this alone. Asking for help does not make you weak, it makes you wise.

3. Boundaries protect your peace.

If your ex only brings chaos, you are not obligated to entertain it. Distance can be healthier than forced cooperation. Peace in your home matters more than pretending things are fine.

4. Money worries are real, but solutions exist.

Side hustles, budgeting apps, government aid (both in the US and PH), freelancing, or even selling pre-loved items online can help. I learned to stretch every peso, and it made me resourceful in ways I never thought possible.

5. Your kids are watching you.

When they see you stand strong, they learn resilience too. They might not notice the details now, but they will remember that you kept going.

Healthy Co-Parenting Boundaries (And Why They Matter)

  1. Keep communication focused on the kids. Stick to schedules, school, and health. No rehashing old fights.
  2. Set clear financial expectations. Money should never be used as leverage. Support is for the kids, not for control.
  3. Respect each other’s parenting time. Unless it is an emergency, do not interfere with the other parent’s days.
  4. Agree on basic rules. Bedtime, screen time, and school responsibilities should align as much as possible.
  5. Introduce new partners with care. Children need stability, not a revolving door of adults.
  6. Protect your privacy. Your personal life is yours, not your ex’s business.
  7. Do not use kids as messengers. Communication should always be adult-to-adult.
  8. Have a backup plan. Emergencies happen. Decide how you will handle last-minute changes.
And if co-parenting is not possible at all, these same principles still apply in your life as a single mom. You set boundaries with yourself, with family, and even with your ex if he tries to overstep.

Co-Parenting in the Philippines vs the US

One thing I rarely see online is how different co-parenting looks depending on where you live.
  • In the US: Divorce and custody are legal, so co-parenting often comes with court orders, visitation schedules, and child support agreements. Apps and tools help parents share calendars and expenses.
  • In the Philippines: Divorce is not legal, and annulment is expensive and complicated. Many moms end up in informal setups, where support depends on the father’s willingness. Extended families also step in more often, sometimes blurring the line between co-parenting and grandparents raising the kids.

Both setups have challenges. What matters most is that your kids feel loved, safe, and supported.

To Moms Who Are Scared to Leave

I know some of you reading this are still in that place: holding onto a relationship that broke you because the thought of raising kids alone feels impossible.

 

I see you. I was you.

 

Here is what I want to whisper into your heart: You are stronger than you think.


Yes, it is scary. Yes, it is overwhelming. But staying in a relationship where you are disrespected or cheated on does not make things better for your kids, it only teaches them that love looks like pain.

Leaving is not the end. Sometimes, it is the beginning of the life you and your kids truly deserve.

Co-Parenting FAQs (When It’s Not an Option)

Not always. Joint custody is a legal term about decision-making and time sharing. Co-parenting is about cooperation, which may or may not happen even if custody is shared.
Using money as leverage, bad-mouthing the other parent to your kids, or forcing kids to pass messages. These are signs of broken co-parenting.
When one parent ignores boundaries, disrespects the other’s time, or uses the kids to manipulate. Kids should never be pawns.
Judges frown on parents who constantly fight in front of their kids, fail to show up for visits, or neglect financial responsibilities.

Absolutely. Love, stability, and consistency matter more than the picture-perfect setup. One parent showing up fully is better than two half-hearted ones.

Progress, Not Perfection

Co-parenting is often painted as the “right way” to handle separation. And for many families, it really does work.

But here is the truth: there is no one-size-fits-all.

 

If you can co-parent, that is wonderful. But if you cannot, if your ex is toxic, absent, or unsafe, you are not less of a mom. You are a warrior raising your kids with strength you never knew you had.

 

And mama, your kids will remember not who left, but who stayed.

Picture of Mommy Ces
Mommy Ces
Frances Vinn Bautista is a digital marketer and mom of three. She writes about honest motherhood and shares practical resources for moms who juggle work and family life.
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