Self Care for Moms: It’s Not Spa Days
There’s a lie we all quietly believed at some point. The lie that self care means bubble baths with candles, spa retreats, or yoga on a balcony with a sunrise view. Sounds nice right? Too bad that’s not my life, and probably not yours either.
When you’re a mom, self care doesn’t come in a perfect Pinterest version. It comes in stolen minutes, messy little choices, and things that don’t look Instagram worthy but keep you from completely falling apart.
I learned this the hard way after my first baby. People would say, “Don’t forget to take care of yourself!” And I’d smile politely while silently wondering when exactly they thought I could squeeze that in. Between nursing, diaper blowouts, laundry piles that could rival Mount Everest, and work emails buzzing at 11 PM — where in that circus was my spa day supposed to fit?
It didn’t. It still doesn’t.
But here’s the truth I wish someone had told me. Self care isn’t glamorous, and it isn’t optional. It’s the thing that keeps you from snapping when you’ve been running on two hours of sleep and reheated coffee for the third time that day.
Why Self Care Is Not Spa Days
- The myth: self care means scheduling a massage, a weekend away, or a two hour skincare routine.
- The reality: self care means locking the bathroom door for five minutes just to breathe in silence.
I once read an article about “10 Ways Moms Can Practice Self Care” and half the list was things like “book a weekend retreat” or “take up a new hobby.” I get why those ideas help some moms. In my season, they weren’t realistic. If I can’t even pee alone, I’m not booking a weekend retreat anytime soon.
The truth is, moms don’t need luxury. We need survival. Self care in motherhood is not about making life pretty. It’s about making life bearable.
It can be a massage, a quiet shower, a nap, or a walk. It depends on your life, your budget, and your support. There’s room for all of it.
Real Self Care for Real Moms
Small Moments That Save You
- The sacred coffee. Not hot, usually not even fresh. But that first sip in the morning before anyone yells “Mom” feels like medicine. I’ve even written about cold coffee and motherhood because it’s basically my trademark drink.
- Noise canceling survival. Sometimes I put on headphones with no music just to mute the world for a few minutes. That silence feels holy.
- A shower without interruption. Rare, but when it happens, that counts as luxury in my book.
- Saying no. No to extra commitments, no to school programs I can’t attend, no to staying up late to fold laundry. Boundaries are self care too.
- Scrolling videos in peace. Judge me if you want. Ten minutes of laughing at random clips is sometimes what keeps me from crying.
Selfish Isn’t the Same as Taking Care of You
I remember the first time I left the kids with their dad just so I could take a nap. A nap. Not even a spa day. And I still felt like I was doing something wrong. Why? Because somewhere along the way, we were taught that a good mom gives 100 percent of herself, 100 percent of the time.
That is a guaranteed path to burnout.
If you’re running on empty, how do you expect to keep giving? Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s what lets you keep showing up for your kids. When I finally learned that, I stopped apologizing for taking breaks. Okay, not completely.
Mom guilt is stubborn. But I’m better at reminding myself that I deserve rest too. If you’ve ever felt the same, I’ve shared more on how to overcome mom guilt in another post.
How to Sneak Self Care into Your Day
Motherhood doesn’t hand out big chunks of free time. You have to sneak in self care like a ninja.
Block It, Even If It’s Just 5 Minutes
Wake up ten minutes earlier, stay in the bathroom a little longer, sit in the car before you go inside. Those five minutes might be the difference between snapping or holding it together.
Learn to Say No Without the Guilt
Every “yes” you give to something that drains you is a “no” to yourself. Say no when you need to. It’s not being rude. It’s protecting your energy.
What Self Care Looks Like for You (Not the Trend)
I even tried the “real self care” route once with skincare. I bought the whole set: facial wash, moisturizer, serum. I promised myself I’d do it every night.
For a week, I actually did. Then reality came back. Most nights, I’d sit down to write a blog, and my son would cry in his sleep. I’d nurse him, tell myself, “Okay, skincare after this.” Ten minutes later, he’d cry again. I’d feed him, settle him, and by the time he was back asleep, so was I. That fancy skincare set is now stuck in the cabinet collecting dust.
That’s the thing. Self care will look different for each of us. This is what it looks like in my life right now:
- Drinking water before I grab another cup of coffee.
- Taking five minutes just to breathe before bed.
- Leaving clothes unfolded for days without guilt.
- Saying “not today” without guilt.
- Putting the kids to bed early sometimes not for them, but for me.
- Letting the house stay messy so I can actually rest.
- Journaling brain dumps when I feel like I’ll explode.
- Watching silly shows with zero shame.
- Wearing the good perfume even if I’m not going anywhere.
- Talking to online moms on Threads who get it.
That’s it. No spa trips. No perfect skincare routines. Just realistic things that keep me steady.
If You Have Nothing Left to Give
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t even have the energy to think about self care,” I get it. I’ve been there.
Start tiny. Like ridiculously tiny.
- Drink a full glass of water.
- Step outside for two minutes and feel the air.
- Text one friend.
- Go to bed fifteen minutes earlier.
That counts. And sometimes, that’s enough.
The Real Outcome? You, Still Here
I used to believe I could run on empty forever, as long as my kids were okay. But here’s what I learned: when I don’t take care of myself, everyone pays for it.
I’m more irritable. I yell faster. I lose patience over small things. The whole house feels heavier.
When I do take those small breaks, even if it’s just ten minutes of breathing space, I show up calmer. My kids feel it. My partner feels it. I feel it.
Self care for moms isn’t about escaping motherhood. It’s about surviving it with a little more grace for yourself.
Sometimes it might be a spa day. A lot of times, it won’t be Instagram worthy. It’s the messy, small, practical things that remind you that you still exist underneath all the “Mom, Mom, Mom.”
If no one has told you today: you deserve to care for yourself without guilt. Even if it’s just in the form of cold coffee and five minutes of quiet in the bathroom.
Because that, my friend, is self care.
