Why “Rest When the Baby Sleeps” Is a Joke
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me to “rest when the baby sleeps,” I would have enough to hire someone to actually watch the baby so I could rest.
And if you have already read my post on Newborn Things That Freak You Out (But Are Actually Normal), then you know I have a running list of advice that makes sense until you actually try to do it.
It is one of those phrases people throw around like it is the holy grail of new mom advice. They say it with a smile, maybe a little head tilt, like they have handed you the secret to surviving motherhood.
Meanwhile, your house looks like it has been through a tornado; there is laundry in the washer from three days ago, and you cannot remember if you ate breakfast… or if that was yesterday.
Let us be real. Resting when the baby sleeps is nice to imagine, but it’s not how it really works.
The Baby Sleep Window Is a Scam
Here is the thing about newborn naps. They are unpredictable, and sometimes they are so short you barely have time to pee before you hear that first little grunt from the bassinet.
People picture you finally catching up on a long nap while the baby sleeps like a dream.
In real life, you get them down, sneak out like a ninja, and five minutes later, you are back in there because apparently, nap time was a limited time offer.
And even if the nap is long, your brain does not instantly switch to sleep mode. You are still running through mental checklists.
Did I pay the electricity bill? Did I sterilize the bottles? Why did the pediatrician say “keep an eye on it,” and what does that even mean? By the time you have convinced yourself to close your eyes, the baby is awake again.
The Never Ending To Do List
Once the baby is finally out, your brain starts shouting, “Do everything now!” and suddenly you are tackling everything you could not do while holding your tiny little human.
Dishes. Laundry. Pumping. Replying to that message from your cousin who wants baby photos. Wondering if you actually showered or just thought about it.
The urge to “catch up” on life is louder than any need for sleep.
And then there is the invisible list, the stuff no one sees but you.
Reorganizing the diaper caddy. Typing “how to save a stained burp cloth” into Google at midnight. Ordering more baby wipes because you swear you had a stockpile, but somehow they have all vanished.
Sleep? That is cute.
Mom Mode Does Not Switch Off
Even if you do lie down, something changes when you become a mom. Your ears are always tuned in to baby sounds. Every sigh, every tiny movement, every slightly louder breath snaps you out of rest because you are convinced they are choking, crying, or about to wake up.
You do not rest deeply. You hover in this half-sleep where you are still listening for trouble. It is like your body knows you are on call all day and all night, so even “rest” feels like work.
And honestly, sometimes that nap window feels like the only time you can have a sliver of yourself back. Scrolling on your phone. Sipping coffee while it is still hot. Staring at a wall in silence, without anyone needing you. That does not feel like wasted time to me. That feels like survival.
The Pressure to Do Motherhood “Right”
“Rest when the baby sleeps” sounds simple, but it comes with guilt. If you actually take the advice and sleep, you might wake up to a messy kitchen, unanswered messages, or a list of things you think you should have done. Cue the mental spiral of feeling like you are falling behind.
If you skip the nap to be productive, you are running on fumes and snapping at your partner because you are exhausted. Either way, it feels like you cannot win.
This is why blanket advice does not work. Motherhood is not one size fits all. Some moms can close their eyes and wake up feeling brand new. The rest of us are just trying to survive on caffeine and interrupted sleep.
A Better Kind of Advice
If I could rewrite it, I would say “Find small ways to recharge, in whatever form works for you.”
That could look like:
- Swap the spit-up shirt for something clean, even if it is just another tee
- Have your partner do a feeding with pumped milk or formula so you can actually rest for a while.
- Ignoring the dishes and sitting on the couch in total silence, even if the baby is snoozing on you
- Taking a shower while your partner keeps the baby nearby so you can actually enjoy the hot water
- Read a few pages of a book while hiding out in the CR
Rest does not always mean sleeping. Sometimes it means slowing your body down and giving your brain a break from thinking about every single thing at once.
You Are Not Missing the Mark
There is no scorecard for how you spend the baby’s nap time. The idea of doing “rest when the baby sleeps” the right way does not even make sense because rest looks different for every mom.
If you spend that time folding clothes because it helps you feel more in control, that counts. If you spend it scrolling through videos because your brain needs a break, that counts too.
Motherhood is not about perfect balance. It is about finding the little things that help you keep going, even if they look nothing like someone else’s version of rest.
And a full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep? That is the dream.
Mommy Ces
Mom of three, figuring things out one day at a time. I write about the real parts of motherhood, the messy days, the little wins, and all the in-betweens that don’t always make it to Instagram. This space is a mix of stories, reflections, and reminders that you're not alone.
